the human I started developing; by reflection and modification

Elisa-Ancori-2This post is especially dedicated to my foreign readers, as they know so little about me I thought this may add as an introduction of my person. It is a piece of self-reflection over the past year. I initially wanted to share this in the beginning of the new year but then it never happened so I think for me it is the perfect timing now as I am reaching 25, to reflect upon my last year of improvement and spoiler: it has been the best year thus far for me, I actually feel much closer to my true innerness. I hope it somehow works inspiring and motivating and hopefully not come across as a bragging of some sort, as that is clearly not my intention.  Thank you for being here, I appreciate your time, love and energy.

2015, I am 24 years old;  I broke up with the routine of being trapped in my own negative thoughts of mostly self-hate. I’ve been dragging my result of failure by feeling worthless, utterly uninspired, demotivated and I had a lot of personal anger issues to overcome. Thus I went reinventing myself; doing a lot of self-reflecting; first by questioning who I was, then; what kind of person I wanted to be. This self-knowledge started to flourish once I went single and got out looking for love by the use of filling in a ‘profile’ for a dating app. At that time, I wasn’t quite sure who I wanted to attract, but I knew for a certainty; I would first have to gain perspective on who I was/am, so I could find my own values and worth in the human being I wanted to meet. I was setting myself out there and constantly expanding my comfort zone. Dating was for me a learning experience with the speed of a roller-coaster; it was exciting, scary and mostly very upsetting but I got used to it. Importantly: it’s made me a better adapting social person. I’ve had to overcome my own delusions of (social)fear and inevitably meet the wrong match for me over and over, so I’d finally come to a place/mindset where I’d find valuable meaning, actual peace and happiness. And for me true love began once I started pursuing my vegan journey. I am aware it must sound as a huge anticlimax for meat-lovers reading this, but believe me, I am telling you exactly how and where I found an essential key of unconditional love or true happiness and actual awareness. During my vegan-transition I started feeling an inner cleanse, physically and spiritually. It was about time I finally started to put emphasis on my personal health. Living vegan-friendly, gave me more energy than ever before. People recognized a peaceful glow and also noticed an over-all weight loss and how my hair and nails grow so much faster and longer now. It’s crazy how my body completely approved of this change. And there are many more benefits that come with living vegan-friendly, I promise will write about these matters in the dear future. But I didn’t want to ramble too much about veganism here. Still, it is an important part that occurred last year for me and it led me to much more enlightenment. I reconnected with my long lost spiritual guidance once I truly found the light due to love; self-love and love towards other beings. I became this striving person endlessly improving myself and my surroundings for much larger and altruistic goals. Being aware of that, is fulfilling. Reaching peace and calmness is rewarding to your soul, smile, voice and also the creativity. I mean, that’s what I’ve come to understand so far.

I’ve been blessed with some of the greatest friends, these stimulating forces gave me much strength to believe in my own potential. I’m in a deeper connecting relationship with myself and every other being. I stumbled upon the hardest tasks/adventures so far, especially psychologically and mentally, but I’ve been mostly rewarded for my effort and energy. I grew my perspective on self-being, probe further into the meaning of true love, found access to (self-) forgiveness, grew a healthy amount of self-worth and got to a state of knowing the flow of my personal balance. I am grateful for all the positive as for the negative that was lain upon my path. I shall remember 2015 as the year of a massive positive mind-change. I feel as if I am truly the best version of myself so far (yet) and I finally have embraced my mistakes as lessons towards bettering and growing. Knowing I am only moving forward.  I’ve come to learn the great power of letting go; of one-self, of old and destructive habits, of the past, of identification, of pride, of fear, of borders, of thinking, (yes meditation helps you with that) , letting go of everything is such a release and a way to ultimate freedom I believe.

used illustration from Elisa Ancori


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